'Me' against 'Them'

In many ways, I have spent my entire life on a journey away from blame...

Having lived much of my early life in a realm of ritualistic abuse, both inside my home, and in the outer religious world that encircled me, it was natural and easy to develop a 'me' against 'them' framework of life. Fight back or be killed. Life became an adversarial contest of will and strength, and of course, blame. Problem with blame is that 'everyone' is not responsible, community is harmed, and ultimately destroyed.

As I live longer, I increasingly think in terms of 'we' and 'us' rather than terms of 'me' or 'them.' It occurs to me that when I think in, or use, the term 'them' I am descending into the narcissistic tense of all things 'me,' when in reality, there is not 'them' or 'me' but only 'us,' the collective community for which and to which we are responsible. 'We' eliminates the possibility of 'blame,' changes the monologue into one of dialog and conversation, where 'we' are all, collectively, responsible for outcomes. If 'we' are indeed 'we' then I/we must feel the full range of emotions at the same time: Love, anger, sorrow, empathy, and hope. For it is we, our collective self, that is enacting all things at one time, in the the actions and avoidance of each particular one of us.

e. e. cummings said:

we do not believe in ourselves

until someone reveals

that deep inside of us

is someone valuable,

worth listening to,

worthy of trust,

sacred to our touch...

once we believe in ourselves

we can risk curiosity, wonder,

spontaneous delight,

or any experience that reveals the human spirit.

It is this dance to which we are invited. The great partnership of 'we.' Perhaps this is what moved Jesus when he looked out over the city from high on the hillside, and simply wept. Wept for it all ... the joy, the laughter, the life, the death, the sorrow. For it is in all those things that we discover 'we,' become 'us' - the unbreakable community.

zjm